my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
accomplished twins. life is a go
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
