I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
