just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We need to rekindle our bromance
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
