Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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