we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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