The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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