Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i will never coherently bang her
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
