Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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