Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
