So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
