Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
