rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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