We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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