Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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