Non-Jews are for practice
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
