yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
