I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
