What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
