They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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