party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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