i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
