it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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