Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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