How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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