im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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