woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
