I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
