I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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