I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
