Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
