i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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