You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
