Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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