I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
