I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
