i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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