So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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