you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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