i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
