I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
