i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
