some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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