I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
