I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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