you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
