Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
