I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
