Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
