I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize