i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
