It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
