having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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