So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
