my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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