I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
