last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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