My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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