i love accidental penises.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
