I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
