Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is classic penis vs brain.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
