im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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