Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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