we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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