I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
