i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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