I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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