i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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