I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize