just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
