So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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