So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
false alarm, still single
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
