I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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